The Lost Python Skits #412
[Dedicated to Zern, the Apostle who Wandered Off]

*AoB and Zern are sitting on a couch*

AoB: There's no such thing as God.

*door bursts open, Kern enters suddenly*

Kern: NObody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Zern: What on Earth are you talking about?

Kern *confused*: You weren't talking about the Spanish Inquisition?

AoB and Zern, together: NO!

Kern: Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong skit, then.

*leaves dejectedly*

AoB: As I was saying, there's no such thing as God.

*door bursts open, Kern enters suddenly, again*

Kern: Someone called?

AoB: You're God?

Kern: Yes. No. Well, not THE God, but I'm *A* God.

Zern: You're a God? You look some geek in a Cardinal's outfit.

Kern: That's because I got into the wrong outfit. But really, I'm a God.

AoB: Oh yeah? Prove it.

Kern *whining*: Prove it? I said it, isn't that good enough?

AoB and Zern, together: NO!

Kern: Well, then, ok, then, I'm so... I wasn't expecting... how do you want me to prove it?

AoB thinks, then: Turn the walls into jello.

Kern: Hm. What kind?

AoB: Why does it matter what kind?

Kern: Apparently you understand little about the molecular qualities of Jello. It makes a good deal of difference what kind.

AoB: Fine then. Lime.

Kern: Lime?

AoB: Lime.

Kern: I can't.

Zern: See! I told you! You're just some dweeb in a Cardinal's outfit.

Kern: No, that's not it. I'm... allergic to lime.

Zern: You're a God and you're allergic to lime jello?

Kern: Well, um, actually, to get exactly perfectly technical about it, um... yes.

Zern: Well, you're a God. Can't you just zap yourself and make yourself unallergic?

Kern: You'd think so, wouldn't you? Wouldn't that just be a grand idea? But no.

AoB: Why NOT?

Kern: I'm not the Goddess of Allergies, I'm the God of Corn and Magazine Subscriptions. And I turn people's walls into weird things. But that's just a hobby.

AoB: Why don't you just go to the Goddess of Allergies and ask her to zap you, then?

Kern: I, um, can't. She's my ex-wife. That's why I'm allergic to lime jello in the first place.

AoB *exasperated*: Fine, turn my walls into cherry jello, then.

Kern: Ok, all right, that I can do. *thinks a moment, then zaps the walls; in a sparkle and a flash, they change into jello*

AoB tastes the wall thoughtfully, then: Aha! I knew it! You're a fraud! You're not a God at all!

Kern: Why? Isn't it cherry jello?

AoB: No. It's strawberry.